Dealing with rejection,

Cape Town Winter'15

     Sometimes, I automatically correlate rejection from something that I really wanted with “God hates me” or “God is punishing me because I keep sinning or keep doing the same sin over and over again”.  Does this make sense?  No okay. But this was literally the first thought that came to my head when I found out that I didn’t get an internship that I really wanted.

    I was really hoping to get the IBM Leading to Africa internship  internship. 
I sent out that cold email to a recruiter she answered and told me to apply and to email her after I have applied. I successfully submitted my application a month later. Why so late? it was near finals week and I wanted to put my heart and soul into the cover letter and resume.  I got my resume and cover letter reviewed at the career center at my Uni multiple times ,trying to make it as perfect as possible. I finally submitted my app earlier this month and sent the email to the recruiter I was previously talking to. I anxiously checked my emails like every single day multiple times a day. Today, Sunday January 31^st 2016, something told me to check my app status on the website and it stated that my application was no longer under consideration. Now I am sad, questioning if  anything is ever going to work out for me, LIKE EVER??

   I now have this anxiety that everything that I apply to or try is going to be a waste of time. I really wanted this internship y’all.  I don’t know how to deal with rejection very well. I hope these feelings pass and that I turn to God for comfort. I hope that I realize that this one rejection or the many more that will come do not have an effect on Gods plan for my life. Maybe this internship position isn’t part of God’s plan for me right now or ever and I need to learn to be okay with that. I hope that I become okay with the idea of not getting any of the internships I apply for over the next couple of weeks or months. I have distanced myself from God over the past couple of days and oddly enough this situation is pulling me back to Him. I hope that even in the midst of my anguish, hurt, and  insecurities, I always remember that He does in fact have a plan for me. I am not just aimlessly living